Gorillas on the Piss

This week a massive thud was heard at the Camden Park indoor sports centre, as the Chug Monkeys came crashing back to earth.

Game 1:
The Chug Monkeys played the best team in b-grade and despite a much improved 2nd half and some nifty work at the net from Jase, the Chug Monkeys never threatened.
Approximate final score: 50- 32

Game 2:
The Chug Monkeys were originally supposed to be playing the Vegas All stars featuring that hot chick from court 4. However a last minute switch of opponents was made, much to Chug Monkey Dan’s disgust. Nonetheless the Chug Monkeys got off to an early break and looked comfortable. This was before a good old fashioned 2nd half collapse left the Chug Monkeys on the wrong end of the score board.
Approximate final score: 37-30

Double losses this Week

Season Record:
31 Wins – 19 losses

Inside the Chug Monkeys:

Statisfaction

After this week’s performance Dan (Chief of the Chug Monkey Tribe) was keen for some further analysis on why his team sucked ass. He proceeded then to call on Pub Monkey Neil to provide him with the statistics that mattered.

Dan: So tell like it like is!

Neil: Well the ratios were all wrong this week, 2:4 just isn’t good enough!

Dan: Yeah that not good enough for a winners to unforced errors ratio.

Neil: WTF? I was talking about the numbers of chick to guys on the court. If I’m expected to come out and watch this slop each week then you need to recruit some more chicks or either Trent or Sean is up for a sex change. Am I right people?!!

Dan: Who are you talking to? Anyway tell me about the player ratings for this week. Now these are crucial with finals just around the corner.

Neil: Well I gave Gemma a 6 and Leanne a 5, a pity 5 at that. It might have been higher if I’d had a few drinks but I wouldn’t count on it. Am I right people?!!
[Dan glances around to see if there might be anyone else Neil is talking to]

Dan: You pinhead it’s supposed to be rating of their Volleyball performance, not their looks! However the numbers certainly don’t lie. Ok then what’s that bar chart there which keeps going up and up.

Neil: That’s the amount of innuendo which is in the blog each week

Dan: no argument there. What that inverse one I see which keeps going down?

Neil: That’s your number of views for the blog each week.

Dan: Well it could easily be the same chart for the talent level of my team. What’s that last chart there which is empty?

Neil: That’s the number of people who laughed at that last joke. Am I right people?!!

Dan: Look we have finals coming up soon and I need some statistical insights into who I should pick to play and why.

Neil: Well you’ve got to have Wing Man Bruce and Jase in there. Bruce is up to a level 5 Elvin prince and Jase is not too far behind.

Dan: Your basing your analysis on Dungeons and Dragons ratings?? I haven’t seen such a poor performance since I tried that internet dating thing. And for some reason I’m still getting hate mail about that.

Neil: On average 5 letters and 3 restraining orders per week if my memory serves me correctly.

Dan: Is there any good news for me?

Neil: Of course

Dan: Well?

Neil: We’re out of bad news. Am I right people?!!

Dan: I’m I supposed to answer that

Hey so I heard that those guys look the same, there’s two of them, they’re multiplying and they love it when you say “which one are you?”

I also heard shit twin jokes get you kicked in the balls, but I guess you’ll all have to find out for yourselves.

The search for Miss Chug Monkey Australia

Game Recaps:

Game 1:
In one of their hardest fought victories to date, the Chug Monkeys won by forfeit as the opposition failed to show up.

Game 2: Chug Monkeys versus Piston Broke.
For those of you that have good memories the Chug Monkeys were previous spanked by Piston Broke. They are better remembered as the team that wasted time by kicking sand at each other and kicking the ball around the court. However this match up was a far different story! Sean got the team off to a great start with a sweet serving streak. Chug Monkey Dan then repeated the dosage in the second half as Piston Broke continue to crash and burn. Truly one of the most pleasing victories to date!
Final Score: approx 55-20

Season Record:
31 Wins , 17 Loses

Inside the Chug Monkeys:
Ladies night
With project Emma piking close to game day, the Chug Monkeys were forced to field a squad with only one chick this week. Chug Monkey Dan decided it was time some action was taken. Therefore he made it his personal mission to find some fresh female talent for his band of misfits. However as we will see, he was forced to think outside the square.

1900 phone sex Chick: Hi there stud you’re talking to Moana.

Dan: Finally someone is speaking to me, the last 3 chicks hung up.

1900 Chick: Don’t worry baby I like it rough

Dan: Great cause I can be a real bastard out there on my beach. Especially with finals coming up. Just ask…well all of my teammates.

1900 Chick: Team mates? So you’re into the group thing? That’s hot. So tell me your favourite position.

Dan: Generally I prefer it when my team is on top of things for the whole 30 minutes. But it’s also exciting when we seem down and out and disinterested, but then come from behind at the last second.

1900 Chick: 30 minutes I’m impressed.

Dan: Actually we do it twice in one night. Generally I’m fairly selfish and do all the scoring. And of course I take a nap after.

1900 Chick: That’s exactly what I like to hear baby.

Dan: Great, so you’ll come and play volleyball this Sunday?

1900 Chick: Volleyball? Why the f*ck would I want to do that?!

Dan: No offense but I thought a girl in your line of work would be happy to try just about anything.

1900 Chick: Piss off! Especially if it’s that team Wing Man Bruce plays for!

Dan: How do you know him?
[1900 Chick hangs up]

Dan: So he’s stealing my potential recruits now.

[Dan proceeds to take a photo of Wing Man Bruce and himself from his wallet and tear it to pieces]

Dan: I have no wingman!

Project Gemma: Dan I haven’t been able to find my phone since I got back from China.

Dan: Hey I just found it.

[Dan proceed to hand Gemma back her phone he just made the last phone call on at $8.99 a minute]

Project Gemma: Thanks Dan. You’re not such a bastard after all!

Dan: Not until you get that phone bill anyway.