Chuglarious!

Important news:

After a series of lack luster performances, last week Chug Monkey Dan stripped all but a mere few of their Chug Monkey titles (sorry if you thought that sentence was going to be more interesting). So until you can all prove yourselves not to be as soft as cup cakes, all fallen Chug Monkeys have been allocated to a project leader in order to institutionalize them in the Chug Monkey Arts. For example this week we saw the debut of Samuel, who is classified as ‘Project Muel’ under the Chug Monkey Dan School of Chug Monkey Arts. So remember to train hard and not bring you candy ass sh*t tactics onto my beach again, or your project leader will be ceremonially beaten with a sack of walnuts.


Game Recap:

Game 1:

The Chug Monkeys started off dishing out their usual brand of street justice. However after a traditional 2nd half collapse, the scores were tied at games end. The choices were to have a draw or next point wins. The opposition who currently held serve, pushed for ‘next point wins’. They then went on to loose two points in a row, in one of the largest embarrassments since Chug Monkey Trent suggested ‘Cross dressing’ theme week (and he was sober at the time!). Chug Monkeys win by one point! Chuglarious!

Game 2:

Chug Monkey Moose (Leanne) uttered the famous last words “hey Dan, how about you sit the first half off”. Despite the enforcement of Chug Monkey Dan Law in the 2nd half, which in his own words involves “get the ball to me and then everyone else f*ck off”, the game was already well out of reach. Please everyone thank Chug Monkey Moose (Leanne) with a friendly punch to the arm next time they see her (next week we’ll work the ribs).



This weeks Official Chug Monkey:

All those fat hairy guys who swim laps at Burnside pool. Most ape like.

Inside the Chug Monkeys:

This week Dan decided to catch up with Project Gemma, aka ‘Mission Impossible’. After recently being forced to sign up to the Chug Monkey Dan School of Chug Monkey Arts, Project Gemma was given the chance to tell her half of the story, including what its like to be married to the Prince of Denmark and which of Olsen Twins she hates more.



Dan: Now Gemma, tell us about the reaaallll Cancoon.

Project Gemma: I just want to say I found that introduction highly offensive! I haven’t been so embarrassed since Sean asked me out.

Dan: Wait, haven’t you guys been dating for like two years??

Project Gemma: Now you see the extent of my pain. How could you do such a thing?

Dan: Well let’s just say no one sells coke on my beach without Chug Monkey Dan getting a taste.

Project Gemma: WTF!? I’ll ask again, how can anyone with a shred of decency classify me as a project after all the hard work I’ve done?

Dan: We’ll let’s just say your track record so far is none too pleasing. I mean there’s that time you started beating teammates with a sack of walnuts after we almost choked in our first win.

Project Gemma: That was you!

Dan: Bull Sh*t it was!

Project Gemma: Yeah it was, we have video evidence remember.

Dan: I distinctly remember saying I wanted my face blurred!

Project Gemma: We could only do that for the part where the police threw you in the paddy wagon.

Dan: Well you have to understand my frustration, my back was quite sore after CARRYING THE TEAM ALL NIGHT!!!!

Project Gemma: Here’s an idea…Go F*ck yourself!

(Project Gemma leaves)

Dan: Still got it! (adjusts tie)



Thank you to Dan for yet another text book display of his bachelor charm. The only way is up for you young man!