Game Recaps:
Game 1:
This week the Chug Monkeys set out to win back some much needed street cred. However the task would not prove easy. Initially the Chug Monkeys were faced with an all male opponent. Initially it was confusing what such a team was doing in a mixed gender league. Yet Chug Monkey Trent was quick to point out why they may have had difficulty recruiting girls to their team…they were total losers! Even stranger was the fact this all male team had decided to call themselves ‘horizontal folk dance’. However, Chug Monkey Dan showed no hesitation telling them during the match they should change their name to the ‘assorted creams’ because they were playing like a bunch of pansies. The Chug Monkeys went on to pummel their opposition in a merciless display. We won by like 50 points. Good times.
Game 2:
In game 2 the Chug Monkeys decided to make things interesting. A now traditional 2nd half collapse brought scores level after the Chug Monkeys had led comfortably early. However Chug Monkey Trent was able to steer the good ship Chug Monkey home with some magic in the final 2 minutes.
Game 1:
This week the Chug Monkeys set out to win back some much needed street cred. However the task would not prove easy. Initially the Chug Monkeys were faced with an all male opponent. Initially it was confusing what such a team was doing in a mixed gender league. Yet Chug Monkey Trent was quick to point out why they may have had difficulty recruiting girls to their team…they were total losers! Even stranger was the fact this all male team had decided to call themselves ‘horizontal folk dance’. However, Chug Monkey Dan showed no hesitation telling them during the match they should change their name to the ‘assorted creams’ because they were playing like a bunch of pansies. The Chug Monkeys went on to pummel their opposition in a merciless display. We won by like 50 points. Good times.
Game 2:
In game 2 the Chug Monkeys decided to make things interesting. A now traditional 2nd half collapse brought scores level after the Chug Monkeys had led comfortably early. However Chug Monkey Trent was able to steer the good ship Chug Monkey home with some magic in the final 2 minutes.
Season record:
8 wins 10 loses
Other news:
As the first annual Chug Monkey awards night draws closer, please send in your ideas for suggested awards. Do it! You can't just read this, borrow my favourite evening gown then steal my jokes and not contribute you fat bastards!
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
After a series of recent walk outs, this week Dan was forced to interview the Chug Monkey’s mascots (Professor Chuggles and little-lugger). We already know the mascots make for a great moral boost at game time, as well as a B-Grade meat loaf or casserole substitute, but lets see what else Dan managed to discover about them in ‘Inside the Chug Monkeys’.
Dan: Now how are you both today?
Mascots: (Remain silent since they are stuffed toys)
Dan: I’ve left you speechless, not the first time I’d had that effect on people, but seriously how would you describe my performance on Tuesday night?
Mascots: (Remain silent)
Dan: Lost for words huh? Indescribable? I know you’re thinking it. Yeah I must admit I was pretty sh*t hot that night! On the other hand Leanne was a little worried about how she played. What are your thoughts on her performance?
Mascots: (Remain silent)
Dan: Yeah I agree that awkward silence is warranted. Sums it up nicely I think. But don’t worry I’ve started my war on ‘sh*tness’ and it wont stop until me and my sack of walnuts have drummed my message into all my team mates. But let me know if you think I’m going over the top.
Mascots: (Remain silent)
Dan: Now since I’ve got you both here, I’ll take the opportunity to sign you up to the Official Chug Monkey Dan fan club. Every new member gets a free Chug Monkey Dan figurine. It even verbally abuses you just like the real Chug Monkey Dan does! Listen.
(Pulls string at back of figurine)
Chug Monkey Dan figurine: “You’re pathetic! You’re pathetic! You’re pathetic!”
Dan: (Laughing) Classic Chug Monkey Dan that is. Wait there’s more!
(Pulls string at back of figurine)
Chug Monkey Dan figurine: “Stop crying! Stop crying! Stop crying!”
Dan: I honestly believe in this figurine we have captured the essence of the living legend that is Chug Monkey Dan.
(Mascots escape through an open window)
Dan: How’s that even possible?!
Chug Monkey Dan figurine: “Dan Slam! Dan Slam! Dan Slam!”
Dan: You said it little buddy
Hey Mascots don’t talk and neither do Monkeys! Perhaps that was the joke. Very good. Until next time, please return my evening gown and stay the hell off my beach etc etc
Love
Chug Monkey Dan
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