Recently Chug monkey Dan begun a half assed attempt to undo some of the wrongs he has done this season. So this week Chug Monkey Dan thought he would give his team mates some much needed game time by scheduling himself off. Furthermore he decided he would prepare a post game feast for his team mates. By doing this Chug Monkey had no doubt some good karma would be heading his way. In his absence this is how things turned out:
Game 1: Scrub Monkeys versus Sand Pitt
With Sand Pitt being the worst team in the league, one would expect the Scrub monkeys to cruise to an easy and moral boosting win. Turns out they won 35-23, but did I mention they played the worst team in the league...
Game 2: Scrub Monkeys versus Link/Battlefield (the team with that really short chick and the bearded dude)
The Scrub Monkeys showed plenty of Scrub Monkey spirit to only lose by…..well who gives a f*ck they f*cking lost! Final score: 28-31. Way to serve losers! Further more they totally piked on Chug Monkey Dan’s post game feast. Chug Monkey Dan slumped into bed only to be haunted in his sleep by a nightmare playing over and over. It sounded a bit like:
(The sound of the ball crashing into the net on a serve “that’s ok I get one per game”)
(The sound of the ball again crashing into the net on a serve “that’s ok you get one per game”)
(The sound of the ball again crashing into the net on a serve “that’s ok you get one per game”)
Now imagine that 25 more times and you not only have Dan’s nightmare but a perfect recap of how the Scrub Monkeys played. Chug Monkey Dan awoke from is slumber and with “that’s ok I get one per game” still echoing in his head, he texted those responsible saying “You don’t get one per game, the only thing you can get is the f*ck off my beach!”. Not bad for 3am. Chug Monkey Dan then decided that being nice and thinking about Karma had done his team no good at all and therefore they have no right to complain when he reverts back to being a total asshole next week.
Season Record:
23 Wins
17 Loses
Other news:
Fix up your f*cking serving!
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
The Chug Monkey Dan reality series
Following on from his speed dating experiment last week, this week Chug Monkey Dan takes ‘Inside the Chug Monkeys’ to strange new places. So this week Chug Monkey Dan experiments with online dating at RSVP by advertising himself as a limited time offer and promising one lucky lady a visit to his sacred beach. So for the next 2 weeks we will monitor his progress. As usual Chug Monkey Dan will be letting the ladies come to him, but hopefully this time they won’t be carrying mace.
So please visit rsvp.com.au and run a search for ChugMonkeyDan25. No doubt you won’t be the only one having a peak.
Not that a smooth operator like Chug Monkey Dan needs your advise, but if you do feel compelled to offer any then why not leave a comment on the blog. Just keep in mind that free advise if worth exactly what you pay for it…which is also what Chug Monkey Dan thinks the Scrub Monkeys are worth….jack sh*t!
Please keep in mind this is not a serious attempted at online dating (although there is a profile to visit). It is simply a piece of blog related humour. I have to post these kinds of disclaimers because half of you morons keep thinking this blog is actually for real, what pin heads!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
More Monkey than you can Chug!
Game Recaps:Game 1: Chug Monkeys versus Horizontal Folk Dance (that team of all guys and occasionally one rather masculine looking chick)
The early signs weren’t good as the Chug Monkeys played keep the ball off Dan and consequently found themselves down 0-15. Project Emma thought she’d assist the situation by arriving ‘fashionably late’ as she puts it. It was at this time that Chug Monkey Dan realized he’d forgotten to put on his lucky red shirt which he’d won 10 games in a row with. However the Chug Monkeys soon got their sh*t together thanks largely to the efforts of Jase, Dan and first gamer Project Bruce. The game ebbed and flowed with the Chug Monkeys finally building a small lead and protecting it until the end. It was at this point that Chug Monkey Dan relaised his team’s early game troubles had nothing to with his choice of shirt, it was just his team mates were playing a bit sh*t. However the quality efforts of Project Bruce on debut make him this weeks winner of ‘Chug Monkey Dan’s wingman of the week award’. Solid work Bruce, solid work. It really is getting harder to find quality wingman these days!
Game 2: Chug Monkeys versus Ring Ins (that friendly team that wears black)
Not much to say here really. The opposition fielded an undermanned (or should I say underdanned) team and within minutes the Chug Monkeys took control. The 2nd half was a snoozefest as the lead continue to balloon allowing Chug Monkey Sean to sneak in several naps on court. The Chug Monkeys won by around 50 odd points and then danced a merry jig to celebrate.
Season Record:
22 Wins
16 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
Time is of the essence
This week Chug Monkey Dan show us all he’s more than just a complete player on the beach as he takes the speed dating scene by storm. Below is a quick snap shot of what happened:
Speed Date 1:
Girl 01: So tell me about yourself?
Dan: How Dare you! Chug Monkey Dan needs no introduction!
(Dan proceeds to retrieve his ‘ball of pain’ volleyball from under his chair and ‘Dan slam’ it at Girl 01 from across the table, knocking her unconscious)
Speed Date 2:
Girl 02: So don’t you find this 5 minute speed dating thing all a bit rushed?
Dan: 5 minute dates, not at all. That totally gives me time for foreplay and maybe a cuddle after if I’m feeling generous. Wooooooooooooo!
(Girl 02 glares angrily at Dan)
Dan: Come on that sh*ts funny! Write it down before I forget it. It’s a keeper, it’s a keeper.
(Girl 02 glares angrily at Dan)
(Dan proceeds to again retrieve his ‘ball of pain’ volleyball from under his chair and ‘Dan slam’ it at Girl 02 from across the table, knocking her unconscious)
Speed Date 3:
Girl 03: So on Thursday nights I just love heading to the Alma or the Havlock with my friends Johno, Croftee, Tomo and Scotteee. Yeah they are such great friends, I mean they buy me all the drinks I want and put their hands on my hips when I dance in case in get cold. They say that’s the same reason they wear their polo shirt collars up.
Dan: You f*cking idiot they’re just trying to do you!
Girl 03: No they're just mates. Like I mean they are always looking out for me. Like they’re always saying every other guy I bring along or meet isn’t good enough for me.
(Dan proceeds to again retrieve his ‘ball of pain’ volleyball from under his chair and ‘Dan slam’ it at Girl 03 from across the table, knocking her unconscious)
Dan: But she still gets a tick on my score card.
Speed Date 4:
Girl 04: Hey where are all the other guys tonight?
Dan: I totally got that Fat Chick from court 3 to wait outside and say she was the only Chick to turn up. Its funny I’ve never actually seen smoke coming off a guys sneakers when he runs before. Its most cartoon like. But don’t worry; there’s more Dan than you can chug to go around!
(Girl 04 proceeds to retrieve a brick from under her chair and hurl it at Dan’s head, knocking him semi-unconscious)
Semi Conscious Dan: She initiated physical contact, that means she’s totally hitting on me!
Wingman Bruce: Sorry I’m late Dan, there was a lot of traffic with all those guys fleeing on foot from our friend from court 3.
Semi Conscious Dan: Worst Wingman ever! Give me back that award trophy!
(Dan proceeds to take back the ‘Chug Monkey Dan’s wingman of the week award’ trophy, which shows a quality wingman pretending to be interested in some mediocre looking chick’s conversation while Dan totally chats up her much hotter friend (that’s what quality wingmanship is all about!))
(Dan proceeds to throw the trophy at Wingman Bruce’s head)
(Both proceed to pass out due to the injuries sustained to their heads)
(Project Emma then arrives ‘fashionably late’ and walks into the entrance of the speed dating to see both Chug Monkey Dan and Wing Man Bruce passed out on the floor together)
Project Emma: I didn’t realize it was gay night.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Good Chug Bad Chug
Game Recaps:
This week the Chug Monkeys were conspired against with their game times being changed at the very last minute. However Chug Monkey Dan still had faith that his charges would regain composure and get the job done.
Game 1:
The Danless/Talentless grease monkeys broke Chug Monkey Dan’s heart and his faith in Chug Monkey Kind with a first up loss. Sadly that’s all that needs to be said.
Game 2:
The Grease Monkeys apparently clawed their way back from a 15 point deficit to record a memorable 3 point win 46-43. However my guess is that they made that up so we’d all concentrate on the game 2 result and ignore the game 1 loss. No such luck losers, I’m onto your sh*t!
And finally a big thanks to Chug Monkey Moose (Leanne/bubble headed optimist) for allowing the game time to change without protest. Please send your hate mail to Leanne at: Im_a_f*cking_idiot@moosemail.com
Season Record:
20 Wins
16 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
This week Sean, Gemma and Jase popped into see Chug Monkey Dan whilst he performed house sitting duties for T & L.
Jase: How’s the house sitting going Dan?
Dan: It’s strange, its like something has come over me since I’ve been staying here.
Sean: What do you mean? But anyway, I just thought I’d say sorry about all those unforced errors of mine and me hitting the ball into your head from point blank range and losing the match the other week.
Dan: Hey don’t worry I’m sure thats just part of you showing Chug Monkey spirit. Yay!
Gemma: Dan what the f*cks wrong with you!?! We lost by 50 points and half the opposition were amputees. Aren’t you even mad??
(Dan blatantly ignores all around him and stares blankly at an old episode of dvd)
Dan: Yeah sounds good.
Gemma: Are you even listening you bastard?
(Dan blatantly ignores all around him and stares blankly at an old episode of dvd)
Dan: Yeah sounds good.
Jase: It appears that he seems to be taking on the qualities of Trent and Leanne. Damn this house!
Sean: Weird! Oh and Dan we lost the 2nd game by 30 points and the opposition didn’t even show up.
Dan: Well the important thing is that everyone had fun and I’m sure you’ll all improve! Yay!
Gemma: We didn’t have fun we lost you f*ckhead, what the f*cks wrong with you!?!
Sean: Hey can I have a tissue?
(Sean wipes nose)
Dan: You idiot that was a limited edition 1991 quadruple ply Kleenex in double mint condition. Never before taken out of its original box.
Jase: Well again we apologise for the way we played Dan…Dan?
(Dan lies asleep on rug)
(Gemma kicks him to wake him up)
Dan: Not on my bleach, not on my bleach!
Sean: Hey Chug Monkey Dan’s back!
Gemma: It could just be Trent stealing and poorly imitating Dan’s quality banter
(Group nods in agreement)
(Gemma kicks him even harder this time)
Dan: I can’t believe you losers are happy to show your faces in public after your recent piss poor efforts. Also that stripper’s body was totally lying there before I ever got here!
Gemma: Now Dan’s back
Dan: To the Alma for a pint?
(Noises of car door slamming and tires squealing are heard)
Dan: Fair enough I should probably put some pants on.
This week the Chug Monkeys were conspired against with their game times being changed at the very last minute. However Chug Monkey Dan still had faith that his charges would regain composure and get the job done.
Game 1:
The Danless/Talentless grease monkeys broke Chug Monkey Dan’s heart and his faith in Chug Monkey Kind with a first up loss. Sadly that’s all that needs to be said.
Game 2:
The Grease Monkeys apparently clawed their way back from a 15 point deficit to record a memorable 3 point win 46-43. However my guess is that they made that up so we’d all concentrate on the game 2 result and ignore the game 1 loss. No such luck losers, I’m onto your sh*t!
And finally a big thanks to Chug Monkey Moose (Leanne/bubble headed optimist) for allowing the game time to change without protest. Please send your hate mail to Leanne at: Im_a_f*cking_idiot@moosemail.com
Season Record:
20 Wins
16 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
This week Sean, Gemma and Jase popped into see Chug Monkey Dan whilst he performed house sitting duties for T & L.
Jase: How’s the house sitting going Dan?
Dan: It’s strange, its like something has come over me since I’ve been staying here.
Sean: What do you mean? But anyway, I just thought I’d say sorry about all those unforced errors of mine and me hitting the ball into your head from point blank range and losing the match the other week.
Dan: Hey don’t worry I’m sure thats just part of you showing Chug Monkey spirit. Yay!
Gemma: Dan what the f*cks wrong with you!?! We lost by 50 points and half the opposition were amputees. Aren’t you even mad??
(Dan blatantly ignores all around him and stares blankly at an old episode of dvd)
Dan: Yeah sounds good.
Gemma: Are you even listening you bastard?
(Dan blatantly ignores all around him and stares blankly at an old episode of dvd)
Dan: Yeah sounds good.
Jase: It appears that he seems to be taking on the qualities of Trent and Leanne. Damn this house!
Sean: Weird! Oh and Dan we lost the 2nd game by 30 points and the opposition didn’t even show up.
Dan: Well the important thing is that everyone had fun and I’m sure you’ll all improve! Yay!
Gemma: We didn’t have fun we lost you f*ckhead, what the f*cks wrong with you!?!
Sean: Hey can I have a tissue?
(Sean wipes nose)
Dan: You idiot that was a limited edition 1991 quadruple ply Kleenex in double mint condition. Never before taken out of its original box.
Jase: Well again we apologise for the way we played Dan…Dan?
(Dan lies asleep on rug)
(Gemma kicks him to wake him up)
Dan: Not on my bleach, not on my bleach!
Sean: Hey Chug Monkey Dan’s back!
Gemma: It could just be Trent stealing and poorly imitating Dan’s quality banter
(Group nods in agreement)
(Gemma kicks him even harder this time)
Dan: I can’t believe you losers are happy to show your faces in public after your recent piss poor efforts. Also that stripper’s body was totally lying there before I ever got here!
Gemma: Now Dan’s back
Dan: To the Alma for a pint?
(Noises of car door slamming and tires squealing are heard)
Dan: Fair enough I should probably put some pants on.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Chugging along Nicely
Game Recaps:
With Chug Monkey Dan ailing due to illness, the Chug Monkeys needed something special this week. But as the games unfolded, it became clear that the Chug Monkeys were well and truly up for the challenge.
Game 1: CM’s versus Ringins
For those that don’t remember, the Ringins have a black uniform and are one of the more friendly teams to play. They are also a favouirite of the Chug Monkey’s female players because they posses several buff male players (you perverts!). The Ringins only had 4 players this week, but that didn’t stop the Chug Monkeys from totally kicking their asses. The Chug Monkey’s put on their best serving performance to date and cruised to any easy win.
Approximate final score 40-24 (Chug Monkeys win!)
Game 2: CM’s versus Scrubs
The Scubs are a team white uniformed team that has occasionally troubled the Chug Monkey’s in the past. However this was not such an occasion. The Chug Monkey’s continued their sweet serving and despite the umpire never hearing of the ‘above the shoulder rule’, the Chug Monkeys established an early lead. Then, despite their half time slushies, the Chug Monkeys avoided a 2nd half brain freeze and instead watched the Scrubs capitulate like the scrubs they are (please note they are actually nice people, I’m just maintaining character).
Approximate final score: 52-16 (Chug Monkeys win!)
This week’s performance was most pleasing to the Chug Monkey’s new giant monkey mascot. I’m told it’s called Hugo, however Chug Monkey Dan refers to it as “BFM”, which originates from an opponent saying “that’s a big f*cking monkey!”
Post game, love was in the air as a blackout hit the stadium. Chug Monkey Dan took the opportunity to attempt to get closer to that hot chick from court 4. Sadly in the end it turned out he’d just spent 5 minutes making out with a giant stuffed toy. Score!
In all seriousness, this week’s results came as no surprise due to ‘projects’ Sean, Gemma and Shane continued dedication to improving their games. Perhaps soon they will be granted Chug Monkeyhood, but perhaps not until Chug Monkey Dan receives $50 and a plate of cookies and milk from each of them.
Other things to mention:
This week Chug Monkey Dan took a shot to the teeth and to the eye from friendly fire (not in a gay way). The result was Chug Monkey Dan just kept on playing. This demonstrates that the ball doesn’t really hurt you, so I don’t want to see any more cowering on my beach! And please take note of the sacrifices Chug Monkey Dan is willing to make to prove a point to you pin heads.
In other news, Chug Monkeys Trent and Leanne will be absent from the next 2 Tuesday nights. Therefore Dan will be in charge of scheduling. As he finds you all very average indeed, Chug Monkey Dan is intending to play solo during this period. Unless of course a plate of milk and cookies from each of you persuades him otherwise. But why are Trent and Leanne abandoning their loyal comrades you ask? To visit Dan’s brother (aka Dan lite) in Canberra (aka Hell’s outhouse). I’m sure you’re all as equally as outraged as me upon hearing this, so please send your hate mail to Chug Monkey Moose (Leanne) at:
im_a_bumbling_chucklehead_who_totally_promised_dan_there’d_be_fine_imported_booty_at_seans_bday_even_though_there_was_nothing_of _the_sort@moosemail.com
Season Record:
19 wins
15 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
The Surprise Party
[Please note that Sean’s birthday had a tomato sauce theme – and I apologise in advance for any semi personal jokes. Please also note there was a life size picture of Sean at the party which guest had to attempt to pin a sauce bottle to. There was also a tomato sauce piñata]
With the promise of a free pint and food, Dan headed off to a birthday party which turned out to be Sean’s. This made it the last time Dan would steal an invite from Trent and Leanne’s fridge.
Gemma: Hey everyone its time to unveil (removes sheet), ‘Pin the sauce on the Sean’
(Crowd gasps in horror as someone has drawn a speech bubble on Sean’s picture saying ‘Chug Monkey Dan rules!’)
(Trent begins to applaud before Leanne stops him)
Fat chick from court 3: This is f*cking bull shit!
Gemma: Dan how could you do such a thing?
Dan: Well he refused to wear the corresponding t-shirt
Sean: (looks at picture) I don’t remember saying that
(Gemma hits Sean on the back of the head)
Dan: Not to worry, I’m sure my gift will totally bring this snoozefest to life.
(Sean opens the gift which turns out to be a magic 8 ball)
Sean: Lets see if it works. How will I play this Tuesday night?
(shakes 8 ball)
8 ball: You suck!
Sean: It must be broken!
(shakes it again)
8 ball: No I’m not broken, you’re about as useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
(Tears begin to swell in Sean’s eyes)
Sean: Be strong old man, be strong.
8 ball: (without being shaken) And seriously, who has a party on a Sunday afternoon? I mean its just freaking lame! And I was told there’d be hot bitches at this thing!
(Sean begins sobbing)
(Gemma smashes the 8 ball)
Gemma: F*ck this! Dan you’ve totally f*cked this party! Get the hell out!
Dan: But I totally brought a date along
Gemma: So that’s why that fat chick from court 3 is here. What’s with that?
Dan: Classic game theory. It will totally drive that hot chick from court 4 crazy with jealousy!
Gemma: You stupid *sshole, she moved up to B-Grade just so she could avoid seeing you!
Dan: So what you’re saying is…she’s totally out of my league so to speak (Dan signals to crowd to laugh) Woooooo!
(Trent begins to applaud before Leanne stops him)
Gemma: P*ss off!
(Dan leaves the party)
Dan: Jokes on them, I totally threw up in the piñata
With Chug Monkey Dan ailing due to illness, the Chug Monkeys needed something special this week. But as the games unfolded, it became clear that the Chug Monkeys were well and truly up for the challenge.
Game 1: CM’s versus Ringins
For those that don’t remember, the Ringins have a black uniform and are one of the more friendly teams to play. They are also a favouirite of the Chug Monkey’s female players because they posses several buff male players (you perverts!). The Ringins only had 4 players this week, but that didn’t stop the Chug Monkeys from totally kicking their asses. The Chug Monkey’s put on their best serving performance to date and cruised to any easy win.
Approximate final score 40-24 (Chug Monkeys win!)
Game 2: CM’s versus Scrubs
The Scubs are a team white uniformed team that has occasionally troubled the Chug Monkey’s in the past. However this was not such an occasion. The Chug Monkey’s continued their sweet serving and despite the umpire never hearing of the ‘above the shoulder rule’, the Chug Monkeys established an early lead. Then, despite their half time slushies, the Chug Monkeys avoided a 2nd half brain freeze and instead watched the Scrubs capitulate like the scrubs they are (please note they are actually nice people, I’m just maintaining character).
Approximate final score: 52-16 (Chug Monkeys win!)
This week’s performance was most pleasing to the Chug Monkey’s new giant monkey mascot. I’m told it’s called Hugo, however Chug Monkey Dan refers to it as “BFM”, which originates from an opponent saying “that’s a big f*cking monkey!”
Post game, love was in the air as a blackout hit the stadium. Chug Monkey Dan took the opportunity to attempt to get closer to that hot chick from court 4. Sadly in the end it turned out he’d just spent 5 minutes making out with a giant stuffed toy. Score!
In all seriousness, this week’s results came as no surprise due to ‘projects’ Sean, Gemma and Shane continued dedication to improving their games. Perhaps soon they will be granted Chug Monkeyhood, but perhaps not until Chug Monkey Dan receives $50 and a plate of cookies and milk from each of them.
Other things to mention:
This week Chug Monkey Dan took a shot to the teeth and to the eye from friendly fire (not in a gay way). The result was Chug Monkey Dan just kept on playing. This demonstrates that the ball doesn’t really hurt you, so I don’t want to see any more cowering on my beach! And please take note of the sacrifices Chug Monkey Dan is willing to make to prove a point to you pin heads.
In other news, Chug Monkeys Trent and Leanne will be absent from the next 2 Tuesday nights. Therefore Dan will be in charge of scheduling. As he finds you all very average indeed, Chug Monkey Dan is intending to play solo during this period. Unless of course a plate of milk and cookies from each of you persuades him otherwise. But why are Trent and Leanne abandoning their loyal comrades you ask? To visit Dan’s brother (aka Dan lite) in Canberra (aka Hell’s outhouse). I’m sure you’re all as equally as outraged as me upon hearing this, so please send your hate mail to Chug Monkey Moose (Leanne) at:
im_a_bumbling_chucklehead_who_totally_promised_dan_there’d_be_fine_imported_booty_at_seans_bday_even_though_there_was_nothing_of _the_sort@moosemail.com
Season Record:
19 wins
15 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys:
The Surprise Party
[Please note that Sean’s birthday had a tomato sauce theme – and I apologise in advance for any semi personal jokes. Please also note there was a life size picture of Sean at the party which guest had to attempt to pin a sauce bottle to. There was also a tomato sauce piñata]
With the promise of a free pint and food, Dan headed off to a birthday party which turned out to be Sean’s. This made it the last time Dan would steal an invite from Trent and Leanne’s fridge.
Gemma: Hey everyone its time to unveil (removes sheet), ‘Pin the sauce on the Sean’
(Crowd gasps in horror as someone has drawn a speech bubble on Sean’s picture saying ‘Chug Monkey Dan rules!’)
(Trent begins to applaud before Leanne stops him)
Fat chick from court 3: This is f*cking bull shit!
Gemma: Dan how could you do such a thing?
Dan: Well he refused to wear the corresponding t-shirt
Sean: (looks at picture) I don’t remember saying that
(Gemma hits Sean on the back of the head)
Dan: Not to worry, I’m sure my gift will totally bring this snoozefest to life.
(Sean opens the gift which turns out to be a magic 8 ball)
Sean: Lets see if it works. How will I play this Tuesday night?
(shakes 8 ball)
8 ball: You suck!
Sean: It must be broken!
(shakes it again)
8 ball: No I’m not broken, you’re about as useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
(Tears begin to swell in Sean’s eyes)
Sean: Be strong old man, be strong.
8 ball: (without being shaken) And seriously, who has a party on a Sunday afternoon? I mean its just freaking lame! And I was told there’d be hot bitches at this thing!
(Sean begins sobbing)
(Gemma smashes the 8 ball)
Gemma: F*ck this! Dan you’ve totally f*cked this party! Get the hell out!
Dan: But I totally brought a date along
Gemma: So that’s why that fat chick from court 3 is here. What’s with that?
Dan: Classic game theory. It will totally drive that hot chick from court 4 crazy with jealousy!
Gemma: You stupid *sshole, she moved up to B-Grade just so she could avoid seeing you!
Dan: So what you’re saying is…she’s totally out of my league so to speak (Dan signals to crowd to laugh) Woooooo!
(Trent begins to applaud before Leanne stops him)
Gemma: P*ss off!
(Dan leaves the party)
Dan: Jokes on them, I totally threw up in the piñata
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Remember the Chug Monkeys
Game Recaps:
This week the Danless/Talentless Scrub Monkeys put down their crack pipes and beer bongs for an hour and attempted to imitate a volleyball team.Below is a recap based on the ramblings of project Emma:
Game1:
The Scrub Monkeys completely sucked, but luckily the opposition sucked that little bit more. The Scrub Monkeys proved victorious, with an 18 point win. Good enough I say. Then again, the opposition were apparently so bad that they kicked sand in their own faces (and aren’t you glad I left that joke out of last weeks top 11 list!)
Game 2:
Sadly the opposition had a clue this time and sent the Scrub Monkeys back to their crack den with much to ponder. Apparently Sean helped the team retain some respectability. Sadly though I’ve meant Sean on several occasions and don’t see how that’s possible.Despite the horrendous score line, Emma continued to protest that had more teammates followed her ‘ostrich’ tactics then things may have turned out differently. Correct Emma, they would have banned us from playing ever again.
Just a reminder that Chug Monkey Dan is still waiting for his thank you cards from everyone for the privilege of stepping on his sacred sand. You have 24 hours.
Season Record:
17 wins
15 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys: The Intervention
This week Chug Monkey Dan catches up with his team mates in the most unusual of circumstances.
(Dan enters his front door to see his living room is full of his team mates)
Dan: Whats all this? Why is everyone here?
Trent: Now Dan we want you to know that this is a safe place, a happy place.
Dan: I want answers!
Trent: We thought it was time we got everyone together and staged an intervention for your anger problem.
Dan: Anger problem? That’s F*CKING BULLSH*T! Give me three examples.
Leanne: Well just then when you walked in the room. I heard you mutter under your breath “what is this, a d*ckhead convention?”.
Dan: That’s text book Chug Monkey Dan!
Gemma: And 2nd was that time you slammed the ball at poor Sean below the equator. He was on your team!
(Sean slowly creeps forward in his wheel chair)
Sean: The doctor says I can’t have kids anymore.
Dan: In that case I did you all a favour!
Leanne: And there we have number three.
Dan: In all honesty I think its great that you all came here in my honour, but where’s that hot chick from court 4?
Jace: There’s that little thing called a restraining order!
Dan: I thought the fact I was now forbidden fruit so to speak would have worked in my favour.
Trent: Pin Head! Now the first step to rehabilitation is to admit you have a problem.
Dan: A problem? I’m quite positive I have many more than just one.
Trent: This is good, this is healthy. Please tell us.
Dan: Alright, well I guess my biggest problems…
(Dan pauses due to the intense emotion)
(His team mates gather close ready to embrace Dan in a group hug as it suddenly appears he has a heart and soul after all)
Dan:…my biggest problems are Trent, Leanne, Gemma, Shane, Sean,
(Dan gets cut off)
Trent: You’re unbelievable!
Dan: Thanks, that’s totally how I would describe myself. Are we tapping the keg yet?
(Everyone leaves)
Dan: Trent was right, this is a happy place.
This week the Danless/Talentless Scrub Monkeys put down their crack pipes and beer bongs for an hour and attempted to imitate a volleyball team.Below is a recap based on the ramblings of project Emma:
Game1:
The Scrub Monkeys completely sucked, but luckily the opposition sucked that little bit more. The Scrub Monkeys proved victorious, with an 18 point win. Good enough I say. Then again, the opposition were apparently so bad that they kicked sand in their own faces (and aren’t you glad I left that joke out of last weeks top 11 list!)
Game 2:
Sadly the opposition had a clue this time and sent the Scrub Monkeys back to their crack den with much to ponder. Apparently Sean helped the team retain some respectability. Sadly though I’ve meant Sean on several occasions and don’t see how that’s possible.Despite the horrendous score line, Emma continued to protest that had more teammates followed her ‘ostrich’ tactics then things may have turned out differently. Correct Emma, they would have banned us from playing ever again.
Just a reminder that Chug Monkey Dan is still waiting for his thank you cards from everyone for the privilege of stepping on his sacred sand. You have 24 hours.
Season Record:
17 wins
15 Loses
Inside the Chug Monkeys: The Intervention
This week Chug Monkey Dan catches up with his team mates in the most unusual of circumstances.
(Dan enters his front door to see his living room is full of his team mates)
Dan: Whats all this? Why is everyone here?
Trent: Now Dan we want you to know that this is a safe place, a happy place.
Dan: I want answers!
Trent: We thought it was time we got everyone together and staged an intervention for your anger problem.
Dan: Anger problem? That’s F*CKING BULLSH*T! Give me three examples.
Leanne: Well just then when you walked in the room. I heard you mutter under your breath “what is this, a d*ckhead convention?”.
Dan: That’s text book Chug Monkey Dan!
Gemma: And 2nd was that time you slammed the ball at poor Sean below the equator. He was on your team!
(Sean slowly creeps forward in his wheel chair)
Sean: The doctor says I can’t have kids anymore.
Dan: In that case I did you all a favour!
Leanne: And there we have number three.
Dan: In all honesty I think its great that you all came here in my honour, but where’s that hot chick from court 4?
Jace: There’s that little thing called a restraining order!
Dan: I thought the fact I was now forbidden fruit so to speak would have worked in my favour.
Trent: Pin Head! Now the first step to rehabilitation is to admit you have a problem.
Dan: A problem? I’m quite positive I have many more than just one.
Trent: This is good, this is healthy. Please tell us.
Dan: Alright, well I guess my biggest problems…
(Dan pauses due to the intense emotion)
(His team mates gather close ready to embrace Dan in a group hug as it suddenly appears he has a heart and soul after all)
Dan:…my biggest problems are Trent, Leanne, Gemma, Shane, Sean,
(Dan gets cut off)
Trent: You’re unbelievable!
Dan: Thanks, that’s totally how I would describe myself. Are we tapping the keg yet?
(Everyone leaves)
Dan: Trent was right, this is a happy place.
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