Chugly

Game Recaps:

With the week off, Chug Monkey Dan waited a patiently by the phone for word on the nights results. What follows is a reenactment of the telephone call he received from Chug Monkey Moose that night (some bits may be slightly dramatized)


Moose: Hey Dan, we lost our first game but everyone showed heaps of Chug Monkey spirit! Wooooo! I’m an overly optimistic bubble head! Wooooooo! And we won the 2nd game. You’re not mad about the team losing are you?

Chug Monkey Dan: Not at all, that’s cool, that’s cool. Goodnight (hangs up phone). YOU F*CKED MY WINNING STREAK YOU B*TCH! YOU B*TCH! YOU B*TCH!

Moose: Ah Dan I can still hear you, your phone didn’t hang up properly.

Chug Monkey Dan: Oh my goodness I sincerely apologi… YOU B*TCH! YOU B*TCH! YOU B*TCH!

Moose: Wooooooo!

Yeah it went something like that.


Season record:

14 wins

14 loses

Inside the Chug Monkeys:

With no one left by his side, this week Chug Monkey Dan turns to God for answers.


Dan: Hello God, first up I’d just like to say good work on that Jessica Alba!

Chug Monkey God: A’men to that!

Dan: But what the hell were you thinking with Karein Grant??

God: You’re right, I f*cked up!

Dan: Its funny how our readers cant hear what kind of accent you have. But moving on and I suppose I should say thanks.

God: What for?

Dan: I’m always told on my beach that I have ‘God given talent’.

God: You should hear what they say when you’re not around.

Dan: I’m sure it’s safe to assume its all good. So since I managed to get this interview, I think I should take the time to ask you a question that has baffled mankind for ages.

God: The meaning of life?

Dan: God no! What I’m talking about is the time I was just about to talk to that hot chick from court 4 and just as she turned to face me a bird crapped on me. It’s an indoor arena, how is that even possible??

God: When channel 7 puts scrubs and Family guy on at such late timeslots that I need to find someway to amuse myself before hand.

Dan: That’s ok, I was on the verge a panic induced vomiting attack anyway. Next up, I have another serious question.

God: Lets hope so.

Dan: So when I don’t get Christmas presents should I blame you, my parents or Santa?

God: You pinhead! It’s meant to be a time of giving.

Dan: In other words you’re all equally to blame.

God: Are we done here, I do have that Middle East situation to deal with.

Dan: Alright just a couple more things to wrap things up. Back to a previous topic I just wanted to say thanks for getting Karein Grant off national TV.

God: No need to thank me, she sucks all by herself.

Dan: And finally, when do you think the Chug Monkeys will be holding the premiership cup aloft?

God: God only knows, Chug-a-lug!

Dan: Not funny!

Remember readers every time the Chug Monkeys are defeated, God kills a kitten. So maybe think about that next time you dont feel like diving for the ball you heartless monsters!