Chugzilla

***Warning******Warning******Warning******Warning******Warning***

Hello ladies, many of you may have been directed to this blog by men other than the original author. If these particular men are doing this or are heard quoting this blog or other Chug Monkey Dan material in their own time without giving due credit to the blogs author, then such behaviour is simply evidence that they are in fact a complete loser. This warning has been issued for your own safety free of charge.

Much Love
Chug Monkey Dan

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Game Recaps:

Game 1:
Fresh from their spell in G Block, the Chug Monkeys played with flair and enthusiasm to record of their best victories to date. No wait, I was reading the score card back to front, so we actually lost. You losers suck!

Game 2:

The Chug Monkeys dished out a good old fashioned spanking to an opponent who didn’t seem to be aware that they in the midst of a volleyball match (seriously they got the ball back over the net in one of about every 20 serves). Either way no mercy was shown, with the Chug Monkeys winning by close to 60 points. Much better work losers!


Season Record:

Wins: 9
Loses: 13


Rumour Mill:

As the inaugural Chug Monkey season seems to have no end in sight, rumours have begun to circulate about a mid-season pub crawl. However as with everything, Chug Monkey Dan has specified that you chuckle heads need to earn that sh*t! Therefore the Chug Monkeys need to reach 12 wins before this monumental event can occur. Then its Chugging time people!


Inside the Chug Monkeys

After a string of recent walkouts etc, this week we have been left with no option but for Dan to interview himself. So get out your pen and paper, as the wisdom flows from Dan’s mouth much like his verbal abuse tends to do.

Dan: Now Chug Monkey Dan, after mixed results so far this season, what are your thoughts towards your team mates?

Chug Monkey Dan: I see them more as my entourage.

Dan: Naturally. Now I also hear you are a budding photographer. I’ve seen some of your work so far, its not bad, but I must ask, what’s stopping you from getting that truly great shot?

Chug Monkey Dan: Shower curtains mostly.
Dan: Ah yes the money shot. Quite the ladies man I see. On that note, your loyal fan base is dieing to know about a particular incident with a certain special lady from court 4.


Chug Monkey Dan: Oh yeah, we shared a moment there. Our eyes met across a crowded volleyball court, our team’s divided by the center net. Quite a Romeo and Juliet story really.

Dan: Good start! But how did you finish the job?

Chug Monkey Dan: I totally slammed this one shot at her! Full pelt, flat chat! No holding back!

Dan: Routine really. And then?

Chug Monkey Dan: Well she kinda got her face behind the ball. She was knocked out cold.

Dan: Not the first time you swept a lady off their feet I suspect. Tell us more about this sleeping beauty from court 4.

Chug Monkey Dan: Well usually I like to attempt a subtle waltz of seduction. However the situation called for a man of action. So naturally I volunteered my mouth to mouth resuscitation services.

Dan: Fined tuned after many nights at Mansion of course.

Chug Monkey Dan: You know it! Sadly after that some guy claiming to be her husband stepped in and about 20 minutes later she came to.

Dan: So how then did you close the deal? But be careful not to divulge all your trade secrets as you know what our readers are like.

Chug Monkey Dan: Just a taste then. You see I’ve always been an advocate of letting the ladies approach me first. And wouldn’t you know it, after the ambulance arrived she totally asked for my phone number! She may have mumbled something about passing it on to her lawyers, but it was hard to tell with all that blood she was coughing up.

Dan: Anything else?

Chug Monkey Dan: Hell yeah! She even talked about catching up later. Again it was hard to tell what was said exactly after they put the oxygen mask on her, but I’m sure I heard her say she wanted to something the pants off of me. Talk about a fire cracker, I’ve struck gold!

Dan: Indeed, I hope you were wearing goggles with those sparks flying everywhere. But honestly, can you really see yourself being tied down to just one lady at this point in your life?

Chug Monkey Dan: No sir. I mean the next time I saw that girl from court 4, her voice was far too nasal. It may have had something to do with the fact that my slam broke her nose, but why jump to conclusions. Her neck brace was also a major turn off!

Dan: I’m sure we’ve all learnt something today. Do have anything to say to your team mates before we wrap things up?

Chug Monkey Dan: Who?

Dan: Your entourage


Chug Monkey Dan: Yes I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom: William Goldman, the American author and screenwriter once said "LIFE isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all, so train hard or stay the f*ck off my beach!"

Dan: Are you sure William Goldman said all that?

Chug Monkey Dan: Positive!

Thankyou all for reading. And remember, while Chug Monkey Dan appreciates fan mail, legal advice for his upcoming court battle is required slightly more urgently.